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如何提高孩子的沟通能力?父母应学会“非暴力沟通”

科普中国-乐享健康 2017-12-14

  报培训班、购买相关学习资料……为了提高孩子的沟通能力,父母们绞尽脑汁,但很少有父母会从自己身上找问题。事实上,要想让孩子正确地掌握沟通技巧、提高沟通能力,父母必须以身作则。央视主持人董卿曾经说过一句话:“想让孩子成为怎样的人,自己要先成为这样的人。”这句话虽然有些绝对,但却能给父母们提供一定的借鉴。

  沟通可能发生在日常生活的各个情境中,而对于年龄尚幼的孩子来说,亲子沟通一般是最主要的沟通情境,所以在培养孩子沟通能力的过程中,父母扮演的角色至关重要。有些父母在孩子调皮、淘气的时候,会对孩子大呼小叫、乱发脾气,甚至打骂孩子,殊不知这些做法不仅会影响亲子关系,而且会让孩子在潜移默化中学会父母的沟通方式,以至于孩子在以后独自处理事情的时候,也很难心平气和地与别人沟通。

  那么,父母究竟应该如何与孩子进行沟通呢?不妨尝试一下“非暴力沟通”。“非暴力沟通”由美国威斯康星大学临床心理学博士、国际非暴力沟通中心创始人马歇尔·卢森堡提出,他认为,“非暴力沟通”的宗旨是不批评、不指责、不评价,只表达感受、提出请求。在具体操作过程中,可以遵循以下4个步骤:

  1.观察发生了什么事情。

  2.体会这件事情给自己带来的感受。

  3.直接、清晰地向沟通对象表达自己的感受。

  4.从感受出发,向沟通对象提出需求。

  以亲子沟通为例,如果孩子把父母刚刚收拾得干干净净的房间折腾得一塌糊涂,父母首先应该向孩子陈述自己观察到的现象:“我花了很长时间才将房间收拾干净,但你一会儿就把它弄得乱七八糟了”。接着,父母要让孩子知道自己的感受:“你这样做让我很生气,因为你没有尊重我的劳动成果”。然后,父母应该向孩子提出需求:“我希望你能和我一起把房间打扫干净,并注意保持房间整洁”。

  在这个沟通情境中,父母不仅表达了自己的感受和需求,而且也很好地维护了亲子关系。而从孩子的角度来说,他们的心理通常比较单纯,更希望父母在遇到问题时能直接、坦诚、和蔼地告诉自己应该做什么,所以与批评、指责相比,这种“非暴力沟通”方式更容易让孩子明白父母的需求;同时,孩子也从父母身上学习到了正确的沟通技巧和沟通方式,可谓一举多得。(王宏梅)

  本文由中国科学院中关村医院心理治疗师张海静进行科学性把关。

  中国心理学会心理学普及工作委员会、中国心理卫生协会妇女健康与发展专业委员会联合供稿

责任编辑:王超

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